Episode 4: Smudges (Compassion for your humanity)

The 2nd C

I didn’t need glasses until I was in my 40’s, and then only for reading. My eyes have changed now in my 50’s and I need glasses for almost all occasions. Ugh! What I don’t like about glasses are the smudges. Smudges impair my view, sometimes distort it. At times I’ve thought that the smudges were apart of the scenery instead of on my lenses, but when I cleaned my glasses, it was obviously a smudge. I’ve learned to clean my glasses frequently to clear away the smudges so I can see clearly and not get distracted by the smudge. But when I forget to clean my glasses, or they get smudged when I don’t have time to clean them, I’ve learned to ignore the smudges as simply a part of the “glasses experience”, and to focus on the scenery beyond the dirty lenses. Tempted as I am at times, I wouldn’t throw away my glasses just because they have smudges on them.

Now let’s look at our humanity like I’ve described glasses above. The smudges on the glasses will represent our human responses in our own behaviors and words, as well as the behaviors and words of others. So our humanity is full of “smudges”, obstructions to a truthful view of ours and others’ hearts. Sometimes we think our behavior IS us, like believing a smudge is apart of the scenery (the basics of shame). And honestly, while it is tempting to withdraw from (or “throw away”) myself or others when human “smudges” hurt, I prefer to learn how to accept these “smudges” as apart of the “human experience”, check my “lens” for smudges, and focus beyond the smudges to the heart, including my own.

And that’s the goal of the 5 Cs ultimately, so let’s talk about the next C.

The 2nd C is Compassion for your humanity (which ultimately leads to compassion for others’ humanity). In the last blog on Slime, I talked about how shame tends to become our identity and in that role often blinds us to our hearts. So in order to not let shame blind us, it will be healing to “catch” when we shame ourselves (and resist the automatic of “stuffing it”) so we can see our humanity for what it is, smudged and imperfect, because we live on planet Earth. Again, once we can have compassion for our own humanity, we can begin to have compassion for others’ humanity.

Through the course of my practice, I’ve discovered a common denominator for what seems to hinder compassion for our humanity the most, and it is the foundational belief that “God” is displeased with our flaws. In a lot of religious teachings, we are led to believe that our humanity angers God. When I encounter that belief, I invite my clients to challenge it with three questions about God to expose their somewhat dubious assumptions

Through the course of my practice, I’ve discovered a common denominator for what seems to hinder compassion for our humanity the most, and it is the foundational belief that “God” is displeased with our "smudges". In a lot of religious teachings, we are led to believe that our humanity angers God. When I encounter that belief, I invite my clients to challenge it with three questions about God to expose their somewhat dubious assumptions:

Question #1 - Can you surprise God? By the very definition of the name “God”, and that “He” is Omniscient, there is absolutely no chance of surprising God. GOD KNOWS ALL THINGS!

2 - My next question then is, Can you disappoint God? A lot of folks answer “yes” to this one, though they may believe God can’t be surprised. But think about it, if God can’t be surprised, He can’t be disappointed. Omniscience means God already knows we’re not going to measure up. Disappointment implies dashed hopes, but God does NOT hope, He KNOWS. And if He knows, He can’t be disappointed.

3 - And finally, Does God have expectations? Expectation is “future oriented”, but again, Omniscience by its nature is not time limited. So how can God, Who is outside of time, have expectations, especially if God is not surprised that we’re going to mess up and even created us to be flawed?

These questions are important because they’ll give you clues to your foundational beliefs and assumptions about God. FYI Foundational beliefs drive our behaviors and thoughts more than we know.

When we assign our “humanity smudges” to the “God-scenery” we are using the defense mechanism called transference. Most of us were raised in an environment of shame as a motivator, so as very young humans, we began to believe God was just like our parents, in fact our parents were basically our “first gods” in our childish mind. They were our source of life. So being surprised, disappointed, and having expectations are all human characteristics that we transferred from our parents’ character to God’s character. But once we “let” God as “The Omniscient God” love us unconditionally, smudges and all, we can learn to love us unconditionally, too!

We’re human, and it’s OK!

The next C that rises in this healing process is Curiosity.