The 5 Cs

In my practice, I’ve noticed a fairly consistent pattern of therapeutic progression. I’ve come to call it The 5 Cs.

The first C is “Catch the Automatics”

By automatics I mean the split second reactions we all have in a moment’s time without thinking. Some automatics originated in childhood and have been practiced ever since without being challenged, so you might think of them as ghosts of our young self.

These automatics are due to our brains efficiency. To stay safe (physically, emotionally, and psychologically) our brain stores chains of “reflexes” we used that seemed to keep us safe the first time we encountered danger. And rather than go through the painful process of recalculating each threat, our brains quickly look for enough clues that warrant the same “safeguard response”. And it becomes as automatic as reaching for a pencil or fork with your dominant hand. (For fun try using your other hand to give you an idea of how strong automatics are and how awkward new responses can feel.)

The automatics that I teach my clients in session to catch most often are automatic emotional reactions, like anger, fear, or shame (because these are often our youngest responses to threat). Once an automatic trigger has been “pulled”, our brains also try to “jump” to “fix” whatever is stirring the emotional pain. We rarely pause long enough to discover if this automatic is appropriate for that situation, or even whether it is needed at all.

So to CATCH the automatic is to pause long enough to notice the emotion before we “jump" to the “fix it” mode. I often suggest to my clients that, once they “catch” the automatic emotion, try setting the emotion aside by labeling it, like saying, “I’m feeling shame, or anger right now”. That way they are not attempting to deny or judge the emotion, but actually identifying it without acting on it. Only then can they move through the healing process of the next 4 Cs.

For all of us, once we pause and set the automatic emotion aside for the moment, the 2nd C is the healing process of Compassion for our humanity. Remember, we are all human. We started out human, and we will be human until we die. Often times, we are the only one surprised at our own humanity. But this earth suit we are navigating planet earth in is actually designed to have limitations and vulnerabilities. So giving ourselves a little “break” for being flawed can go a long way in relaxing enough for the next C.

The 3rd C is Curiosity. This is what I facilitate the most in my sessions. Curiosity is an unbiased, non-judgmental look at our automatic reactions and where they came from. In other words, none of our reactions to environmental stimuli are new, they actually have been developing over time and have been practiced by us without much conscious awareness. To curiously find the origin of our automatics is like a treasure hunt, and often times leads back to our childhood. The origin is often a wound, real or perceived, that we want to avoid experiencing again. In fact, one of the best ways to find the origin is to ask yourself, “how old do I feel when I react this way?” You may or may not get a feel for your age in that moment, but it’s worth letting your brain ponder the question. Sometimes the first number that pops in your mind is the actual age of the original wounding. Once you find or get close to finding the origin, the 4th C comes into play - Challenge your Belief System.

Whenever we encounter “pain” in childhood, we find ways to make sense of it and how to avoid it next time. It’s called a “belief system”. I believe the majority of our belief systems are formed between ages 5 and 12. The reason for this is because of brain development. Jean Piaget, a Swiss psychologist, identified this stage of cognitive development as  the “concrete” stage, meaning we think in dualism, black and white, right and wrong. Our childish “splitting” of judgments helps us categorize life to hopefully make it more predictable, which to a child feels more safe. However, life is not so clear cut as we often rudely find out when we enter our teen and adult years. But for the latency age (5 to 12 year olds), that’s all the brain can manage.

Freud posed the well known concept of a “superego”, which is a parental voice in our heads acting as a moral compass, especially when as adults we are faced with decisions that may tempt us to do something childish. That superego, in my estimation, is formed during the latency age due to our dualistic brain’s interpretation of parental instructions. This “parental” diatribe is actually a clue to our young belief systems, signaling the automatics we must catch.

When we hold on to our childish interpretations of “moral standards” on into our adult years via belief systems, we look and feel very young in automatic reactive moments. Please be aware that those childhood belief systems feel so true since they were “true” for us as children, and we don’t often recognize them as belief systems. But childhood belief systems exercised in our adulthood don’t always work like we want them to. They are at best “outdated”, and at worst damaging to relationships.

The 5th C arises out of this whole process and it’s called Choice. With automatic habits, we don’t really have choice, we simply do what we’ve always done, and in the immortal words of Dr. Phil, “how’s that working for you?” If we pause by catching the automatics, have compassion for our humanity, get curious about the automatics, and challenge the belief systems that our curiosity discovers, we actually find we can act and look like an adult, which is being proactive rather than reactive. We have choice!!!